In my previous column, we started talking about the very REAL issue of trance in relationship with pathologicals.
Women have described this as feeling 'under his spell,' 'spell bound,' ' mesmerized,' 'hypnotized,' 'spaced out,' 'not in control of their own thoughts....' All of these are ways of saying that various levels of covert and subtle mind-control have been happening with the pathological. And why wouldn't it be happening? These are power-hungry people who live to exert their dominance over others.
That includes your body, mind or spirit. Mind Control techniques are used on prisoners of war, in cults, and in hostage taking, either physical or mental. It obviously works or there wouldn't be 'techniques' and bad people wouldn't use it.
Mind control, brain washing, coercion...are all words for the same principles that are used to produce the results of reducing your own effectiveness and being emotionally overtaken by someone intent on doing so. The result is the victim's intense attachment to her perpetrator. This is often referred to as Betrayal Bonding or Trauma Bonding.
This is created by:
•Perceived threat to one's physical or psychological survival and the belief that the captor/perpetrator would carry out the threat.
•Perceived small kindness from the captor/perpetrator to the captive.
•Isolation from perspectives other than those of the captor/perpetrator.
•Perceived inability to escape.
Mind control then produces dissociation which is a form of trance states. Dissociation is when your mind becomes overloaded and you need to 'step outside of yourself' to relieve the stress. Dissociation and trance are common reactions to trauma. For instance dissociation happens during abuse in childhood as well as adult traumas like rape. Prolonged mind control in adults will even produce trance states where adults begin to feel like they are being controlled. And they are...
If you have experienced mind control in your relationships, treatment and recovery for it includes:
* Breaking the Isolation - Helping you identify sources of supportive intervention; Self-help groups or group therapy also hot lines, crisis centers, shelters and friends.
* Identifiying Violence - As a victim in an abusive relationship, minimization of the abuse can occur, or denial about the different types of violent behavior that you encountered. Confusion about what is acceptable male (parental / authority) behavior is often common. Journal keeping, autobiographical writing, reading of first hand accounts or seeing films that deal with abuse may be helpful for you to understand the types of abuse you experienced.
* Renaming Perceived Kindness - Since abuse confuses the boundaries between kindness and manipulation, you may need to develop alternative sources of nurturance and caring other than the captor/perpetrator.
* Your Ability to Validate both Love and Terror - Because pathological often are dichotomous or have polar opposite behaviors such as kind and sadistic, there is often a split by the victim in
how they see the abuser. Treatment may need to help you integrate both disassociated 'sides' of the abuser, and will assist you in moving through the dream-like state in how you view and remember him.
In my next column, we'll continue our discussion on other forms of trance states and spell bound conditions.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Am I Under His Spell?
Time and again women allude to the mystical aspects of the pathological they are involved with. They describe it as "being under his spell," "en-tranced with him" or "hypnotized by him" even "spell bound" or "mind controlled."
Women aren't exactly able to define what they are 'experiencing' or even accurately describe what they think is occurring but they do unanimously conclude that 'something' is happening that feels like it's hypnotic'.
Beyond the 'hokus pokus' of hypnosis lies real truth about what IS probably happening in those relationships.
Trance happens to every person every day. It is a natural lull in the body when many of the systems are resting or a state we enter when tired. Blood sugar, metabolism and other natural body functions can effect the sleepy states of trance that we enter all day long.
You've probably heard of 'Highway Hypnosis.' This occurs when you have been driving and are so concentrated on the driving (or when you are getting sleepy while driving and watching those yellow lines) that you forgot about the last few miles and all of a sudden you're aware you're almost at your destination. Highway Hypnosis is trance or lite forms of self hypnosis. No one put you in that state of hypnosis -- you went in it on your own.
Check in with most people around 2 p.m. in the afternoon and you'll see lots of people in sleepy trances.
But pathology can cause people to enter trance states frequently. Pathological love relationships are exhausting and take their toll on your body through stress, diet, loss of sleep, and worry. While you are worn down and fatigued you are more suggestible to the kinds of things that are said to you in that state of mind. These words, feelings and concepts sink in at a deeper level than other ideas and statements that are said to you when you are not in a trance state.
If he is telling you that you are crazy, or gas lighting you by telling you that you really didn't see him do what you think he did, or that the problems of the relationship are because of you...those statements said to you when you are suggestible stay filed in your subconscious and are replayed over and over again creating intrusive thoughts and obsessional thinking.
If he tells you positives when you are in trance states such as "He needs you and please don't ever leave him" -- those phrases too are stored in a subconscious location working you over without your knowledge. When it's time to redirect your beliefs about him, disengage, or break up women feel like 'old tapes' are running in their heads. It's very hard for them to get these messages to stop activating their thinking, feeling, and behavior.
Women who are have strong personality traits in suggestibility and fatiguability are more at risk of trance-like states in which words, meanings, and symbols are more concretely stored in the subconscious.
Women feel relieved to find out that they really aren't crazy---it really DOES feel like she is under his spell because in many ways, she is.
More information on trance states in pathological love relationships is covered in detail in our book Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists.
www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com
In my next column, we'll talk about other ways that trance states can be effected in the pathological relationship.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women aren't exactly able to define what they are 'experiencing' or even accurately describe what they think is occurring but they do unanimously conclude that 'something' is happening that feels like it's hypnotic'.
Beyond the 'hokus pokus' of hypnosis lies real truth about what IS probably happening in those relationships.
Trance happens to every person every day. It is a natural lull in the body when many of the systems are resting or a state we enter when tired. Blood sugar, metabolism and other natural body functions can effect the sleepy states of trance that we enter all day long.
You've probably heard of 'Highway Hypnosis.' This occurs when you have been driving and are so concentrated on the driving (or when you are getting sleepy while driving and watching those yellow lines) that you forgot about the last few miles and all of a sudden you're aware you're almost at your destination. Highway Hypnosis is trance or lite forms of self hypnosis. No one put you in that state of hypnosis -- you went in it on your own.
Check in with most people around 2 p.m. in the afternoon and you'll see lots of people in sleepy trances.
But pathology can cause people to enter trance states frequently. Pathological love relationships are exhausting and take their toll on your body through stress, diet, loss of sleep, and worry. While you are worn down and fatigued you are more suggestible to the kinds of things that are said to you in that state of mind. These words, feelings and concepts sink in at a deeper level than other ideas and statements that are said to you when you are not in a trance state.
If he is telling you that you are crazy, or gas lighting you by telling you that you really didn't see him do what you think he did, or that the problems of the relationship are because of you...those statements said to you when you are suggestible stay filed in your subconscious and are replayed over and over again creating intrusive thoughts and obsessional thinking.
If he tells you positives when you are in trance states such as "He needs you and please don't ever leave him" -- those phrases too are stored in a subconscious location working you over without your knowledge. When it's time to redirect your beliefs about him, disengage, or break up women feel like 'old tapes' are running in their heads. It's very hard for them to get these messages to stop activating their thinking, feeling, and behavior.
Women who are have strong personality traits in suggestibility and fatiguability are more at risk of trance-like states in which words, meanings, and symbols are more concretely stored in the subconscious.
Women feel relieved to find out that they really aren't crazy---it really DOES feel like she is under his spell because in many ways, she is.
More information on trance states in pathological love relationships is covered in detail in our book Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists.
www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com
In my next column, we'll talk about other ways that trance states can be effected in the pathological relationship.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Living the Gentle Life Part 6
Healing Sexually
Over the past month or more we have been talking about healing from pathological relationships and what is involved in that. It requires that you face the damage that has been done and recognize any stress disorders or PTSD that you might have now from the relationship. Then it requires that you change your life in order to heal--change your environment physically and learn how to develop a life style that helps you heal emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and sexually. Today, we're going to talk about the sexual effects of pathological and dangerous relationships. (To read past issues of our newsletters about this subject, go to our website.)Last few weeks we have talked about the spiritual effects of a pathological relationship. Ironically, the sexual effects are also often spiritual effects. That's because alot of the spiritual effects have to do with attaching and bonding on many levels--including spirtually. In a spiritual sense, we have been designed to bond during sexual experiences. Especially women.
(WARNING--THIS IS GONNA GET GRAPHIC!!)....recent hormonal and sexual studies have indicated that orgasms achieved during sex, release the same brain chemicals that are released during BONDING with your baby! This phenominal aspect gives great insight into WHY it's so hard to leave a relationship even if it IS dangerous. Many of the dangerous man types are hyper-sexual--so there is ALOT of sex. Alot of sex = alot of opportunities for sexual bonding through orgasm/hormone stimulation.
Women are by nature, NOT abandoners. Those they 'attach' to or 'bond' to--they stay with. So the more bonded you feel to him, the less likely you are to leave. The more sexually attached (when often feels like spiritually attached) you are, the more confusing it is to detach.Additionally, many pathologicals who are hyper-sexual bring to the relationship alot of deviancy. For the first time in you life, you may have been exposed to sexual behaviors or aspects that you have never experienced. Since pathologicals are great at manipulation, guilt, and rewarding your loyalty, you may have been coerced into sexual behaviors that violated your own morality or normal sexual boundaries.
Perhaps pornography, sexual acts you were uncomfortable with, group sexual experiences, relationship rape, or other sexual violations. Additionally, most pathologicals in their hyper-sexuality are NOT monogamous so maybe you have acquired an STD from him.These deep soul wounds harm more than just your emotions--it harms you spiritually and infiltrates your sexual identity. Women often feel so 'perverted' in what they have experienced they feel like they have to stay with him because no 'normal' or 'healthy' man would want her after what she has 'done' in the sexual relationship with him. In some relationships, true sexual addiction may have occurred. You may feel like you are addicted to him, the sex with him, or sex with anyone. What you have experienced IS sexual abuse within the relationship. However, pathologicals have the wonderful way of making you feel like a willing participant or that it's YOUR deviancy he is responding to sexually.
Remember--they twist and pervert every aspect of truth.The sexual side effects of the relationship can contribute to your overall stress disorder or PTSD. It is an aspect that should be treated in order to re-claim your sexual identity. Untreated, your skewed sexual identity can cause you to continue to sexually act out, continue to cooperate in his sexual deviancy, use drugs/alcohol to numb out your painful feelings, cause increased PTSD symptoms/anxiety/depression or leave you despondent to stay in pathological relationships out of a sense of feeling 'dirty' or 'unworthy' of healthier relationships. It can also impact your spirtuality--driving you away from the solace and help you find in your own connection to God.
From this standpoint, the ONLY way to live a gentle life is to heal your sexual side and to see the damage done to sexuality as part of the overall picture of the after-effects of a dangerous and pathological relationship. Please talk to your counselor about the sexual effects of your relationship.
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over the past month or more we have been talking about healing from pathological relationships and what is involved in that. It requires that you face the damage that has been done and recognize any stress disorders or PTSD that you might have now from the relationship. Then it requires that you change your life in order to heal--change your environment physically and learn how to develop a life style that helps you heal emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and sexually. Today, we're going to talk about the sexual effects of pathological and dangerous relationships. (To read past issues of our newsletters about this subject, go to our website.)Last few weeks we have talked about the spiritual effects of a pathological relationship. Ironically, the sexual effects are also often spiritual effects. That's because alot of the spiritual effects have to do with attaching and bonding on many levels--including spirtually. In a spiritual sense, we have been designed to bond during sexual experiences. Especially women.
(WARNING--THIS IS GONNA GET GRAPHIC!!)....recent hormonal and sexual studies have indicated that orgasms achieved during sex, release the same brain chemicals that are released during BONDING with your baby! This phenominal aspect gives great insight into WHY it's so hard to leave a relationship even if it IS dangerous. Many of the dangerous man types are hyper-sexual--so there is ALOT of sex. Alot of sex = alot of opportunities for sexual bonding through orgasm/hormone stimulation.
Women are by nature, NOT abandoners. Those they 'attach' to or 'bond' to--they stay with. So the more bonded you feel to him, the less likely you are to leave. The more sexually attached (when often feels like spiritually attached) you are, the more confusing it is to detach.Additionally, many pathologicals who are hyper-sexual bring to the relationship alot of deviancy. For the first time in you life, you may have been exposed to sexual behaviors or aspects that you have never experienced. Since pathologicals are great at manipulation, guilt, and rewarding your loyalty, you may have been coerced into sexual behaviors that violated your own morality or normal sexual boundaries.
Perhaps pornography, sexual acts you were uncomfortable with, group sexual experiences, relationship rape, or other sexual violations. Additionally, most pathologicals in their hyper-sexuality are NOT monogamous so maybe you have acquired an STD from him.These deep soul wounds harm more than just your emotions--it harms you spiritually and infiltrates your sexual identity. Women often feel so 'perverted' in what they have experienced they feel like they have to stay with him because no 'normal' or 'healthy' man would want her after what she has 'done' in the sexual relationship with him. In some relationships, true sexual addiction may have occurred. You may feel like you are addicted to him, the sex with him, or sex with anyone. What you have experienced IS sexual abuse within the relationship. However, pathologicals have the wonderful way of making you feel like a willing participant or that it's YOUR deviancy he is responding to sexually.
Remember--they twist and pervert every aspect of truth.The sexual side effects of the relationship can contribute to your overall stress disorder or PTSD. It is an aspect that should be treated in order to re-claim your sexual identity. Untreated, your skewed sexual identity can cause you to continue to sexually act out, continue to cooperate in his sexual deviancy, use drugs/alcohol to numb out your painful feelings, cause increased PTSD symptoms/anxiety/depression or leave you despondent to stay in pathological relationships out of a sense of feeling 'dirty' or 'unworthy' of healthier relationships. It can also impact your spirtuality--driving you away from the solace and help you find in your own connection to God.
From this standpoint, the ONLY way to live a gentle life is to heal your sexual side and to see the damage done to sexuality as part of the overall picture of the after-effects of a dangerous and pathological relationship. Please talk to your counselor about the sexual effects of your relationship.
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Living the Gentle Life Part V
Soul Tearing
The last few weeks we have been talking about the necessity of living a gentle life if you are recovering from a pathological relationship. The damage it does to a person is profound and many are often diagnosed with a chronic stress disorder OR Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). These disorders respond best to a 'gentle life' that allows the body, mind, and spirit to rest from the overload of adrenaline and stress it has experienced in the pathological relationship. (Read our previous newsletters about this topic listed on our website.)
We have talked about physically how to 'adjust' your environment if you have a stress disorder and we also talked about the emotional effects---anxiety, depression, and other aftermath effects associated with PTSD. Today, we are going to talk about the spiritual effects.
Dangerous and pathological relationships violate at a deep soul level. That's because it touches on the core building blocks of our concepts about relationships--Trust, Love, and Hope. Deception is evil and sick and when you realize 'who/what' you have been with, there is a violation that cuts to the deepest part of a person: their spirit. Because of this, I devoted a portion of the Women Who Love Psychopaths book to the subject of spiritual evil and it's correlation to some of the symptoms associated with pathology. There's an interesting chart in the chapter that connects psycho-spiritual evil.
Often these kinds of pathological relationships have already 'played into' your soul connection...leading you down the path of believing that your 'connection' was spiritual in nature. There were probably lots of promises of the 'life together' and all the 'reasons God brought you two together.' In the end, they were lies but before you knew they were lies, they were HOPES.
~ "Hope is the thing with wings, that perches in the soul." ~ (Emily Dickinson)
So many pathological relationships have "an intense attachment" that feels like 'connection' or 'passion' when in reality it is just the intense game of the 'pathological' sucking you in and hoping you will confuse intensity with something healthy.
But Hope, Love, and Trust are all core spiritual values and when you have invested those core values and beliefs in someone and then the heinous deception is revealed that the 'goal' of the relationship was to manipulate you all along, something 'rips' inside of you. This 'soul tearing' brings a spiritual skeptisim, a distrust that permeates everything you EVER believed...sometimes even about God. It's a disastrous wound to your 'world view' and how you see yourself, others, God, and the world at large.
These mortal wounds to your world view can last a long time because, in effect, they are the ways you have come to 'believe' about yourself (I can't trust my intuition), others (everyone is evil), the world (it's a sick place) and God (He didn't protect me). This profound shift in your world view can increase the symptoms of PTSD--depression, anxiety, alienation, loneliness, isolation, and a fear or dread of the future.
So often the spiritual effects of the dangerous relationship are overlooked both by the victim and by the therapist. This 'world view' earth quake has shaken the foundation of your belief system. Without repair to the foundation from which you build your self concept, healing is limited to only symptom management. Spiritual healing of your world view is paramount to your overall recovery.
I have created a 15 minute audio (mp3) "Spiritual Effects' that goes into more detail about healing your world view and the spiritual effects of pathological. I think the audio will greatly help your understanding of WHY this part of yourself MUST be healed as well and how the unhealed aspects can impact depression, anxiety, reaching out to others, and your future relationships. (LINK TO MP3)
Also, if you are in counseling, please allow your counselor to listen to the mp3 too. This will help them address these issues with you in counseling. This is an area so often 'under treated' by other counselors. I teach on this aspect a lot at professional conferences and therapists are eager to understand this aspect of spiritual side effects and it's impact on chronic stress disorders.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The last few weeks we have been talking about the necessity of living a gentle life if you are recovering from a pathological relationship. The damage it does to a person is profound and many are often diagnosed with a chronic stress disorder OR Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). These disorders respond best to a 'gentle life' that allows the body, mind, and spirit to rest from the overload of adrenaline and stress it has experienced in the pathological relationship. (Read our previous newsletters about this topic listed on our website.)
We have talked about physically how to 'adjust' your environment if you have a stress disorder and we also talked about the emotional effects---anxiety, depression, and other aftermath effects associated with PTSD. Today, we are going to talk about the spiritual effects.
Dangerous and pathological relationships violate at a deep soul level. That's because it touches on the core building blocks of our concepts about relationships--Trust, Love, and Hope. Deception is evil and sick and when you realize 'who/what' you have been with, there is a violation that cuts to the deepest part of a person: their spirit. Because of this, I devoted a portion of the Women Who Love Psychopaths book to the subject of spiritual evil and it's correlation to some of the symptoms associated with pathology. There's an interesting chart in the chapter that connects psycho-spiritual evil.
Often these kinds of pathological relationships have already 'played into' your soul connection...leading you down the path of believing that your 'connection' was spiritual in nature. There were probably lots of promises of the 'life together' and all the 'reasons God brought you two together.' In the end, they were lies but before you knew they were lies, they were HOPES.
~ "Hope is the thing with wings, that perches in the soul." ~ (Emily Dickinson)
So many pathological relationships have "an intense attachment" that feels like 'connection' or 'passion' when in reality it is just the intense game of the 'pathological' sucking you in and hoping you will confuse intensity with something healthy.
But Hope, Love, and Trust are all core spiritual values and when you have invested those core values and beliefs in someone and then the heinous deception is revealed that the 'goal' of the relationship was to manipulate you all along, something 'rips' inside of you. This 'soul tearing' brings a spiritual skeptisim, a distrust that permeates everything you EVER believed...sometimes even about God. It's a disastrous wound to your 'world view' and how you see yourself, others, God, and the world at large.
These mortal wounds to your world view can last a long time because, in effect, they are the ways you have come to 'believe' about yourself (I can't trust my intuition), others (everyone is evil), the world (it's a sick place) and God (He didn't protect me). This profound shift in your world view can increase the symptoms of PTSD--depression, anxiety, alienation, loneliness, isolation, and a fear or dread of the future.
So often the spiritual effects of the dangerous relationship are overlooked both by the victim and by the therapist. This 'world view' earth quake has shaken the foundation of your belief system. Without repair to the foundation from which you build your self concept, healing is limited to only symptom management. Spiritual healing of your world view is paramount to your overall recovery.
I have created a 15 minute audio (mp3) "Spiritual Effects' that goes into more detail about healing your world view and the spiritual effects of pathological. I think the audio will greatly help your understanding of WHY this part of yourself MUST be healed as well and how the unhealed aspects can impact depression, anxiety, reaching out to others, and your future relationships. (LINK TO MP3)
Also, if you are in counseling, please allow your counselor to listen to the mp3 too. This will help them address these issues with you in counseling. This is an area so often 'under treated' by other counselors. I teach on this aspect a lot at professional conferences and therapists are eager to understand this aspect of spiritual side effects and it's impact on chronic stress disorders.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Living The Gentle Life Part 4
Creating a Gentle Life--'Ah Just Get a Life!'
People ever tell you that? Sometimes from the chronic stress and upheaval the pathological relationship causes, people can get very one-dimensional and hyper-focused on him/the relationship/or the problems. They stop doing the kinds of things in their life that could help them be LESS obsessed, depressed, or anxious. That's because survivors tend to 'lose themselves' in the pathological relationship. It's a testimony to the strength of pathology and the almost labyrinth-type maze of hypnotic lull that occurs in these relationships.
The crazier it gets, the more the survivor feels like she needs to 'try to understand it' or 'try to make him understand what he's doing' or 'do something that will help the relationship feel less pathological. This idea can create a 24/7 obsession...it can take up your whole life trying to balance the relationship, which you probably have figured out, is un-balanceable.
Getting lost in a very dark tunnel can draw people away from the actions, behaviors, thoughts, people, and resources that previously allowed them to live a happier and more balanced life. The pathological relationship is ALL consuming and soon any level of your own self care is abandoned for the insane focus on how to help him/or the relationship.
It isn't long before others around you notice the myopic and single focused person you have become that can't think about or talk about anything except the pathological relationship. This myopic view of your relationship has now blacked out any other part of your life. Consequently, people are bailing out of your life, emotional resources are dwindling, your life has become the size and shape of him.
Women in the most dire of all situations (especially in domestic violence for instance) are those who have lost physical and emotional resources and can find no way to get out. The less support a woman feels from others, the more likely she is to stay because it takes support go get out, to break up, or to not go back. So, by the act of myopia, her life and resources just dwindle away. One day someone says to her, "Man, you need to get a bigger life than THIS" and something really hits her about that statement. Like coming out of a deep freeze, the light bulb goes on--she notices her lack of a life and says, "What happened to me? Where is my LIFE?"
The last few weeks in the newsletter I have been talking about 'Living the Gentle Life' especially if you are someone who has lived in a pathological love relationship or has a chronic stress disorder or PTSD. A gentle life is a full life. One that includes the kinds of things that nurture you, that bring peace to you, are simultaneously in, and part, of your life. The gentle life is healing because to feel joy is to send the right kinds of brain chemistry to your brain that fights depression and anxiety and gives the sensation of well being. In order to heal you need to be a 'Joy Hunter.'
The fact is, women go back (or pick poorly again) because they fail to build a life for themselves. They know how to 'invest, invest, invest' in him and their relationship with him but have no idea how to 'invest' and build her own life without him. Women who have healthy lives on the outside of the relationship, are those
more likely to get out and stay out.
Loneliness is one of the key risk factors why women go back. There are so many ways to get your needs met for friendship, fun, support, beauty, or whatever you love in life. Building a 'life' is the best prevention for relapse a woman can do.
But sadly, many will not do it. After 25 years of doing this work, I can pick out who will and won't invest in themselves by building a life. Those that don't are in the same boat ten years down the road. Either with this pathological person or another one just like him.
Those that do build a life are less likely to feel pressured to date or get so lonely that they pick up the phone and call him.
The Gentle Life isn't even possible unless you have a life that is ready for transformation. Living with a pathological or picking another is just about as opposite of a gentle life as there is. Will you be one that rebuilds a fabulous life?
Joyce Brown who inspired our work and who happens to be my mother said "I gotta stop focusing on him and get a great life!" At 60 she went to college, at 70 she took up belly dancing, and after 70 she sailed her own boat to the Bahamas and traveled to Paris and beyond. She proved the point that getting a great life was in and of it self, learning to create a gentle life. Much healing to you!
We have created an mp3 about this topic called Get a Great Life. Click HERE to see product
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery based services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological love relationships is in our award winning book Women Who Love Psychopaths and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more info.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
People ever tell you that? Sometimes from the chronic stress and upheaval the pathological relationship causes, people can get very one-dimensional and hyper-focused on him/the relationship/or the problems. They stop doing the kinds of things in their life that could help them be LESS obsessed, depressed, or anxious. That's because survivors tend to 'lose themselves' in the pathological relationship. It's a testimony to the strength of pathology and the almost labyrinth-type maze of hypnotic lull that occurs in these relationships.
The crazier it gets, the more the survivor feels like she needs to 'try to understand it' or 'try to make him understand what he's doing' or 'do something that will help the relationship feel less pathological. This idea can create a 24/7 obsession...it can take up your whole life trying to balance the relationship, which you probably have figured out, is un-balanceable.
Getting lost in a very dark tunnel can draw people away from the actions, behaviors, thoughts, people, and resources that previously allowed them to live a happier and more balanced life. The pathological relationship is ALL consuming and soon any level of your own self care is abandoned for the insane focus on how to help him/or the relationship.
It isn't long before others around you notice the myopic and single focused person you have become that can't think about or talk about anything except the pathological relationship. This myopic view of your relationship has now blacked out any other part of your life. Consequently, people are bailing out of your life, emotional resources are dwindling, your life has become the size and shape of him.
Women in the most dire of all situations (especially in domestic violence for instance) are those who have lost physical and emotional resources and can find no way to get out. The less support a woman feels from others, the more likely she is to stay because it takes support go get out, to break up, or to not go back. So, by the act of myopia, her life and resources just dwindle away. One day someone says to her, "Man, you need to get a bigger life than THIS" and something really hits her about that statement. Like coming out of a deep freeze, the light bulb goes on--she notices her lack of a life and says, "What happened to me? Where is my LIFE?"
The last few weeks in the newsletter I have been talking about 'Living the Gentle Life' especially if you are someone who has lived in a pathological love relationship or has a chronic stress disorder or PTSD. A gentle life is a full life. One that includes the kinds of things that nurture you, that bring peace to you, are simultaneously in, and part, of your life. The gentle life is healing because to feel joy is to send the right kinds of brain chemistry to your brain that fights depression and anxiety and gives the sensation of well being. In order to heal you need to be a 'Joy Hunter.'
The fact is, women go back (or pick poorly again) because they fail to build a life for themselves. They know how to 'invest, invest, invest' in him and their relationship with him but have no idea how to 'invest' and build her own life without him. Women who have healthy lives on the outside of the relationship, are those
more likely to get out and stay out.
Loneliness is one of the key risk factors why women go back. There are so many ways to get your needs met for friendship, fun, support, beauty, or whatever you love in life. Building a 'life' is the best prevention for relapse a woman can do.
But sadly, many will not do it. After 25 years of doing this work, I can pick out who will and won't invest in themselves by building a life. Those that don't are in the same boat ten years down the road. Either with this pathological person or another one just like him.
Those that do build a life are less likely to feel pressured to date or get so lonely that they pick up the phone and call him.
The Gentle Life isn't even possible unless you have a life that is ready for transformation. Living with a pathological or picking another is just about as opposite of a gentle life as there is. Will you be one that rebuilds a fabulous life?
Joyce Brown who inspired our work and who happens to be my mother said "I gotta stop focusing on him and get a great life!" At 60 she went to college, at 70 she took up belly dancing, and after 70 she sailed her own boat to the Bahamas and traveled to Paris and beyond. She proved the point that getting a great life was in and of it self, learning to create a gentle life. Much healing to you!
We have created an mp3 about this topic called Get a Great Life. Click HERE to see product
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery based services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological love relationships is in our award winning book Women Who Love Psychopaths and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more info.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Living the Gentle Life—Part 3
The Emotional Effects
In the previous newsletter, I have been talking about recovering from a pathological love relationship. (You can read the previous newsletters on our website under Sandra Says.) The toll it takes on people often leaves them with symptoms of chronic stress. For extremely bad relationships, often the result is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)—a diagnosed anxiety disorder. The long-term stress from the pathological love relationship (with narcissists, abusive partners, socio/psychopaths) affects people emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually.
I have been talking about what the body 'does' when it is under chronic stress and the results of this unrelenting stress. (The previous newsletters about this are on the magazine site under Sandra's Current Article). The last newsletter discussed how to deal with the physical ramifications of stress, and I even created a unique relaxation audio for people with chronic stress or PTSD (which is available on the magazine site under Shopping/CDs, Audios.) I also talked about changing your physical environment to embrace the needs of a stress disorder.
Today, we are going to discuss emotional effects and how to create the Gentle Life for your emotional needs as well.
PTSD is an emotional disorder that falls in the category of anxiety disorders. Therefore, someone with chronic stress of any kind needs to learn the types of techniques that help reduce emotional anxiety. The problem is, by the time people ask for help with chronic stress or PTSD, they have often lived with it for a long time and the symptoms are then extreme.
The emotional effects of untreated PTSD can include tension, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks, or hyper-startle reflex. All of these are distressing, and over time a combination of these symptoms can normally occur at the same time.
The relaxation technique is a way of managing the physical symptoms of PTSD. Relaxation techniques are not 'optional' in the recovery of chronic stress/PTSD. That's because these techniques have a dual purpose. These same relaxation techniques also help manage the emotional symptoms as well as the physical. Learning correct breathing to ward off anxiety and panic attacks can be done through the relaxation techniques.
Likewise, these same techniques can help with sleep disruptions and tension. Chronic stress and PTSD are disorders that should be treated by a professional therapist. Especially with PTSD, the symptoms tend to increase over time if not treated. People make the mistake of waiting until it is totally unbearable, and then it takes time to ease the symptoms. People are often 'hopeful' it will just go away when the pathological relationship has ended or contact has ceased. These aren't the worst relationships in the world for nothing! They are labeled as such, because they produce horrible side effects!
Unfortunately, PTSD is a chronic disorder meaning you are likely to have symptoms off and on for years, maybe a lifetime. This is all the more reason to learn how to manage the symptoms when you may need to. Intrusive thoughts are one of the most complained about symptoms.
This is when unwanted thoughts of the pathological person or relationship keep popping up in your head. No matter how many times you try 'not' to think about it, it keeps coming back. The problem with the imagery in your mind is that each time it pops in, it has the ability to trigger you. Your body responds to the trigger with adrenaline and starts the whole stress cycle over again. So managing the intrusive thoughts and flashbacks is imperative to emotionally regulating yourself and living the gentle life.
Living the gentle life means removing your self from personalities that are similar to the pathological relationship. We often tend to migrate BACK to the same kind of people and relationships we just left. These kinds of abusive people can cause an emotional avalanche. It is important that you understand the kind of traits in people that should be avoided if you have PTSD or high-level stress. These could be people who remind you of the pathological person, loud or aggressive people, or those who violate your boundaries or bother you in other ways. Stress and PTSD do mandate that you develop self-protective skills such as setting boundaries—learning to say no or leave environments that increase your symptoms. Learn to migrate instead, to people who are serene or leave you feeling relaxed and happy.
Creating your gentle physical environment will also help you emotionally. An environment that is soothing, calm, quiet, soft, and comfortable has the best chance of allowing an over-stimulated body to relax. Changing your physical environment for your emotional benefits, and adding the relaxation technique can greatly impact the amount of emotional symptoms you experience. Learning 'emotional regulation skills' for stress and PTSD is a must. If you are in need of the following:
• Pathological love relationship education
• Healing the aftermath symptoms of intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking, flashbacks, anxiety, depression
• Learning to manage PTSD
The Institutes' phone, retreat, and 1:1 programs are just the place to get your life back! We'll be happy to help you find recover resources that are right for you.
In the previous newsletter, I have been talking about recovering from a pathological love relationship. (You can read the previous newsletters on our website under Sandra Says.) The toll it takes on people often leaves them with symptoms of chronic stress. For extremely bad relationships, often the result is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)—a diagnosed anxiety disorder. The long-term stress from the pathological love relationship (with narcissists, abusive partners, socio/psychopaths) affects people emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually.
I have been talking about what the body 'does' when it is under chronic stress and the results of this unrelenting stress. (The previous newsletters about this are on the magazine site under Sandra's Current Article). The last newsletter discussed how to deal with the physical ramifications of stress, and I even created a unique relaxation audio for people with chronic stress or PTSD (which is available on the magazine site under Shopping/CDs, Audios.) I also talked about changing your physical environment to embrace the needs of a stress disorder.
Today, we are going to discuss emotional effects and how to create the Gentle Life for your emotional needs as well.
PTSD is an emotional disorder that falls in the category of anxiety disorders. Therefore, someone with chronic stress of any kind needs to learn the types of techniques that help reduce emotional anxiety. The problem is, by the time people ask for help with chronic stress or PTSD, they have often lived with it for a long time and the symptoms are then extreme.
The emotional effects of untreated PTSD can include tension, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks, or hyper-startle reflex. All of these are distressing, and over time a combination of these symptoms can normally occur at the same time.
The relaxation technique is a way of managing the physical symptoms of PTSD. Relaxation techniques are not 'optional' in the recovery of chronic stress/PTSD. That's because these techniques have a dual purpose. These same relaxation techniques also help manage the emotional symptoms as well as the physical. Learning correct breathing to ward off anxiety and panic attacks can be done through the relaxation techniques.
Likewise, these same techniques can help with sleep disruptions and tension. Chronic stress and PTSD are disorders that should be treated by a professional therapist. Especially with PTSD, the symptoms tend to increase over time if not treated. People make the mistake of waiting until it is totally unbearable, and then it takes time to ease the symptoms. People are often 'hopeful' it will just go away when the pathological relationship has ended or contact has ceased. These aren't the worst relationships in the world for nothing! They are labeled as such, because they produce horrible side effects!
Unfortunately, PTSD is a chronic disorder meaning you are likely to have symptoms off and on for years, maybe a lifetime. This is all the more reason to learn how to manage the symptoms when you may need to. Intrusive thoughts are one of the most complained about symptoms.
This is when unwanted thoughts of the pathological person or relationship keep popping up in your head. No matter how many times you try 'not' to think about it, it keeps coming back. The problem with the imagery in your mind is that each time it pops in, it has the ability to trigger you. Your body responds to the trigger with adrenaline and starts the whole stress cycle over again. So managing the intrusive thoughts and flashbacks is imperative to emotionally regulating yourself and living the gentle life.
Living the gentle life means removing your self from personalities that are similar to the pathological relationship. We often tend to migrate BACK to the same kind of people and relationships we just left. These kinds of abusive people can cause an emotional avalanche. It is important that you understand the kind of traits in people that should be avoided if you have PTSD or high-level stress. These could be people who remind you of the pathological person, loud or aggressive people, or those who violate your boundaries or bother you in other ways. Stress and PTSD do mandate that you develop self-protective skills such as setting boundaries—learning to say no or leave environments that increase your symptoms. Learn to migrate instead, to people who are serene or leave you feeling relaxed and happy.
Creating your gentle physical environment will also help you emotionally. An environment that is soothing, calm, quiet, soft, and comfortable has the best chance of allowing an over-stimulated body to relax. Changing your physical environment for your emotional benefits, and adding the relaxation technique can greatly impact the amount of emotional symptoms you experience. Learning 'emotional regulation skills' for stress and PTSD is a must. If you are in need of the following:
• Pathological love relationship education
• Healing the aftermath symptoms of intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking, flashbacks, anxiety, depression
• Learning to manage PTSD
The Institutes' phone, retreat, and 1:1 programs are just the place to get your life back! We'll be happy to help you find recover resources that are right for you.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Living The Gentle Life Part 2
In the previous newsletter, I began talking about the normal ‘aftermath’ of pathological love relationships—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (Previous newsletter is on the magazine under Sandra Says.)
PTSD is an anxiety disorder that is often reactivated by 'triggers.' These can include people, places, things, or sensory feelings that reconnect you with the trauma of the relationship. In the last newsletter, I talked about the gentle life and how an over-taxed and anxious body/mind needs a soothing life. I cannot stress this enough: people MUST remember that their PTSD symptoms CAN BE reactivated if they aren't taking care of themselves and living a gentle life.
What IS a gentle life? A gentle life is a life lived remembering the sensitivities of your PTSD. It isn't ignored, or wished away—it is considered and compensated for. Since PTSD affects one physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually—all of those elements need to be considered in a gentle life. Just as if you had diabetes you would consider what to eat or what medication you need to take, so it is with PTSD.
Interestingly, although PTSD is listed in the psychiatric manual as an emotional disorder, PTSD has some very real physical effects as well. In fact, it has been discussed having PTSD listed in physician's manuals as well, because the untreated, ongoing effects of acute stress are well known in the medical community. Since PTSD has both components of emotional and physical symptoms, someone recovering from PTSD must take those aspects into account.
Physically, PTSD often becomes a chronic condition by the time you get help. That means you have been living with it for a while and it has been wreaking havoc on your physical body during that time. Unbridled anxiety/stress/fear pumps enormous amounts of adrenaline and cortisol into your body. This over stimulates your body and mind and causes insomnia, paranoia, hyperactivity, a racing mind/intrusive thoughts and the inability to 'let down' and 'rest'.
A body that has been living on adrenaline needs the adrenal glands to 'chill!' People often complain of chronic insomnia, which also leads to depression. Depression can lead to lethargy, overeating, weight gain and hopelessness. It is possible to have both anxiety and depression occurring at the same time. Unmanaged stress, anxiety, and adrenaline can lead to long-term medical problems often associated with stress—lower GI problems, migraines, teeth grinding, aggravated periods, chest pain, panic attacks, and most auto-immune disorders like fibromyalgia, lupus, chronic fatigue syndrome, arthritis and MS.
So, CLEARLY, PTSD is something that SHOULD be treated. Physically that means going to someone who can diagnose you—a therapist or psychiatrist. In the early parts of treatment, it is normal to take anti-anxiety medication, anti-depressants or sleep aides in order to rectify your depleted brain chemistry and to allow the adrenal glands to 'rest' and stop pumping out adrenaline. Your doctor is in the best position to tell you what will help to relieve your physical symptoms. Some use alternative medicine to deal with those symptoms. What is effective for each person varies.
Additionally, you need to help your body and brain produce the 'good stuff' in your brain chemistry. This means exercising, eating well, and learning relaxation techniques. Too much adrenaline has been pumping through your body with no way to get utilized. Excessive adrenaline makes you feel jumpy and restless. Exercise (even moderate walking) helps to produce endorphins in your brain, which produce those feelings of 'well-being' and helps to burn off the adrenaline and any extra weight you might have gathered.
Although during depression you often don't FEEL like exercising, you will always feel bad if you don't get your body moving. Stress is even stored at the cellular level of our bodies. You must, must, must, get moving in order to feel better.
Eating well means not trying to medicate your depression and low energy with carbs. When you are depressed your body craves carbs as a source of quick energy, but the spikes in blood sugar add to the sense of mood highs and lows. You've already had enough 'junk' in the relationship—think of it as nurturing your body with good food to replace all the 'junk' that it has been through. You can greatly help mood swings by eating well.
It's also necessary to deal with the negative habits you have acquired as 'coping mechanisms.' Many people with PTSD try to medicate their anxiety and depression. This could be through smoking, relationship hopping, sex, eating/binging/purging, drugs (legal and illegal), and the increased use of alcohol. In fact, one of the devastating side effects of PTSD is how many people develop alcoholism as a result. Any habits you are prone to right now tend to increase when you have PTSD, because the particular habit becomes more and more a way to manage your PTSD symptoms. Finding positive coping skills instead of negative habits is a great step in your recovery.
Physical recovery also means paying attention to not reactivating your symptoms. Your physical environment in which you live, play and work must be conducive to low stimulation. That means low light, low noise, and low aggravation. Sometimes that means making big changes in the PEOPLE you hang out with—getting rid of the loud, noisy, overactive, aggressive and pathological. And sometimes it means making big changes in a job where the environment does nothing but trigger you.
Lastly, learning relaxation techniques is not 'optional' for people with PTSD. PTSD is a chronic state of hyper-vigilance, agitation, and restlessness. Your body has been over-ridden with adrenaline for a long time and has 'forgotten' its equilibrium in relaxation. It must be re-taught. Re-teaching means doing it daily. Taking 5 –10 minutes a day to use a relaxation breathing technique and allowing your mind to unwind. Giving positive messages to your body to relax will help you tap into this natural relaxation, even during times you are not actively trying to relax. The more you use this technique, the quicker your body can relax—even at work or when you are doing something else because it has 'remembered' how to.
There are a lot of tapes, CDs and videos you can buy on relaxation that walk you thru the process of relaxation (we also have one created for PTSD on the magazine site.)
Taking yoga will also teach you how to use correct breathing techniques that help correct the 'shallow/panting' breathing that is associated with PTSD and anxiety. Shallow breathing or panting can actually trigger panic attacks. Learning to breathe well again is a metaphor for 'exhaling' all the junk you've been thru and releasing it. If you don't have a relaxation tape, you are welcome to get our mp3 audio on relaxation techniques on our website. Most importantly is to just become acutely aware that PTSD is physical (and often medical) as it is emotional.
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PTSD is an anxiety disorder that is often reactivated by 'triggers.' These can include people, places, things, or sensory feelings that reconnect you with the trauma of the relationship. In the last newsletter, I talked about the gentle life and how an over-taxed and anxious body/mind needs a soothing life. I cannot stress this enough: people MUST remember that their PTSD symptoms CAN BE reactivated if they aren't taking care of themselves and living a gentle life.
What IS a gentle life? A gentle life is a life lived remembering the sensitivities of your PTSD. It isn't ignored, or wished away—it is considered and compensated for. Since PTSD affects one physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually—all of those elements need to be considered in a gentle life. Just as if you had diabetes you would consider what to eat or what medication you need to take, so it is with PTSD.
Interestingly, although PTSD is listed in the psychiatric manual as an emotional disorder, PTSD has some very real physical effects as well. In fact, it has been discussed having PTSD listed in physician's manuals as well, because the untreated, ongoing effects of acute stress are well known in the medical community. Since PTSD has both components of emotional and physical symptoms, someone recovering from PTSD must take those aspects into account.
Physically, PTSD often becomes a chronic condition by the time you get help. That means you have been living with it for a while and it has been wreaking havoc on your physical body during that time. Unbridled anxiety/stress/fear pumps enormous amounts of adrenaline and cortisol into your body. This over stimulates your body and mind and causes insomnia, paranoia, hyperactivity, a racing mind/intrusive thoughts and the inability to 'let down' and 'rest'.
A body that has been living on adrenaline needs the adrenal glands to 'chill!' People often complain of chronic insomnia, which also leads to depression. Depression can lead to lethargy, overeating, weight gain and hopelessness. It is possible to have both anxiety and depression occurring at the same time. Unmanaged stress, anxiety, and adrenaline can lead to long-term medical problems often associated with stress—lower GI problems, migraines, teeth grinding, aggravated periods, chest pain, panic attacks, and most auto-immune disorders like fibromyalgia, lupus, chronic fatigue syndrome, arthritis and MS.
So, CLEARLY, PTSD is something that SHOULD be treated. Physically that means going to someone who can diagnose you—a therapist or psychiatrist. In the early parts of treatment, it is normal to take anti-anxiety medication, anti-depressants or sleep aides in order to rectify your depleted brain chemistry and to allow the adrenal glands to 'rest' and stop pumping out adrenaline. Your doctor is in the best position to tell you what will help to relieve your physical symptoms. Some use alternative medicine to deal with those symptoms. What is effective for each person varies.
Additionally, you need to help your body and brain produce the 'good stuff' in your brain chemistry. This means exercising, eating well, and learning relaxation techniques. Too much adrenaline has been pumping through your body with no way to get utilized. Excessive adrenaline makes you feel jumpy and restless. Exercise (even moderate walking) helps to produce endorphins in your brain, which produce those feelings of 'well-being' and helps to burn off the adrenaline and any extra weight you might have gathered.
Although during depression you often don't FEEL like exercising, you will always feel bad if you don't get your body moving. Stress is even stored at the cellular level of our bodies. You must, must, must, get moving in order to feel better.
Eating well means not trying to medicate your depression and low energy with carbs. When you are depressed your body craves carbs as a source of quick energy, but the spikes in blood sugar add to the sense of mood highs and lows. You've already had enough 'junk' in the relationship—think of it as nurturing your body with good food to replace all the 'junk' that it has been through. You can greatly help mood swings by eating well.
It's also necessary to deal with the negative habits you have acquired as 'coping mechanisms.' Many people with PTSD try to medicate their anxiety and depression. This could be through smoking, relationship hopping, sex, eating/binging/purging, drugs (legal and illegal), and the increased use of alcohol. In fact, one of the devastating side effects of PTSD is how many people develop alcoholism as a result. Any habits you are prone to right now tend to increase when you have PTSD, because the particular habit becomes more and more a way to manage your PTSD symptoms. Finding positive coping skills instead of negative habits is a great step in your recovery.
Physical recovery also means paying attention to not reactivating your symptoms. Your physical environment in which you live, play and work must be conducive to low stimulation. That means low light, low noise, and low aggravation. Sometimes that means making big changes in the PEOPLE you hang out with—getting rid of the loud, noisy, overactive, aggressive and pathological. And sometimes it means making big changes in a job where the environment does nothing but trigger you.
Lastly, learning relaxation techniques is not 'optional' for people with PTSD. PTSD is a chronic state of hyper-vigilance, agitation, and restlessness. Your body has been over-ridden with adrenaline for a long time and has 'forgotten' its equilibrium in relaxation. It must be re-taught. Re-teaching means doing it daily. Taking 5 –10 minutes a day to use a relaxation breathing technique and allowing your mind to unwind. Giving positive messages to your body to relax will help you tap into this natural relaxation, even during times you are not actively trying to relax. The more you use this technique, the quicker your body can relax—even at work or when you are doing something else because it has 'remembered' how to.
There are a lot of tapes, CDs and videos you can buy on relaxation that walk you thru the process of relaxation (we also have one created for PTSD on the magazine site.)
Taking yoga will also teach you how to use correct breathing techniques that help correct the 'shallow/panting' breathing that is associated with PTSD and anxiety. Shallow breathing or panting can actually trigger panic attacks. Learning to breathe well again is a metaphor for 'exhaling' all the junk you've been thru and releasing it. If you don't have a relaxation tape, you are welcome to get our mp3 audio on relaxation techniques on our website. Most importantly is to just become acutely aware that PTSD is physical (and often medical) as it is emotional.
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)