There is no doubt that the wreckage from the pathological impacts you emotionally, physically, financially, sexually, and also spiritually. Everyone has a spirit—that God-shaped place in your soul that is touched and filled by beauty, awe, and stillness. It’s the most authentic part of you so it’s also the most vulnerable and the most wounded from pathology. Our souls were not created to be in the presence of pathology. They were created to be in the presence of love.
We were created for the touch of authentic love and for the connection to what is sacred. Pathology is not sacred. Whether you are ‘religious’ or not you were still created by the Sacred, for the Sacred, and to express the Sacred. You were not created to express the aftermath of pathology. Aftermath symptoms should not feel ‘at home’ in your soul. They aren’t ‘at home.’
Midway through the aftermath carnage you are probably feeling anything BUT a spiritual connection to anything. It’s no accident that pathology wounds at the soul level—that evil targets those with the most beautiful souls once full of infinite giving and over flowing grace. Pathology/The Dark Side/Evil knows to dismantle your spirit is to unplug you from what made you the amazing gift you are. And to deflate the once full soul that was sharing love with others—the ultimate power on the planet—is to spiritually deflate our world.
But survivors often lament that recovery feels like a stand-still where you wait for restoration ‘to arrive,’ ‘to ascend or descend,’ ‘to overtake you,’ ‘to fall gently’ upon you. The death blow to your soul by “The Soul Slayer” is by far the worst damage. An inability to feel that God-shaped part is the worst numbness that a soul can experience. You look Heaven-ward praying for one flicker of a sense that your soul has survived the scourge of pathology.
Why isn’t God restoring me? Why do I still have the ‘monkey-mind’ of cognitive dissonance (He’s Good/He’s Bad)? Why is there no mental stillness—just a rush of adrenaline, the exhaustion of a mind running like an engine?
Sometimes our concept of recovery is replacement. That our feelings of loss will be replaced with joy, our lost pathological partner will be replaced with a healthier partner, our lost income that he stole will be replaced with a provision to get us through, our depression will be replaced with neurotransmitters. ‘Replacement’ recovery concepts are like a McDonald’s drive through. You read a book on pathology and try to simply replace mental concepts that got you in the relationship. You join a chat forum and try to replace loneliness with internet distraction. It’s no wonder people are often confused about what recovery ‘is’ and when and how they will ‘get there.’
But true authentic recovery that would touch the deepest part of you at a soul level is not about replacement. It’s about restoration—the restoring of the soul that guides your emotions, your choices, your capacity for joy, love and beauty. You can’t ‘replace’ a soul which is ultimately what has been damaged by the soul-less attack of pathology. But you can restore the ‘seat’ or the ‘soul’ of you from the carnage of darkness. In 25 years, we have seen the restoration over and over again.
I want to leave with hope that recovery IS possible. It just may not be how you have been thinking it will be, or how you have approached it, or as quick as you would like. It might not be just about reshaping your belief systems, or working through grief. The work may be deeper after all it’s your soul we are talking about. The Institute exists to meet you where you are in your own recovery to offer restoration emotionally and spiritually where you need it through our online, tele-support, and face-to-face events. (As a reminder these products and services are listed on the magazine website.)
A few times a year we offer those face-to-face events through retreats. In 2012 we reduced them to two a year which were in February and March. We have gotten a number of requests for one more retreat this year which we have organized and in which there is ONE remaining slot. The Healing the Aftermath of Pathological Love Relationships Retreat is Sept 2-7, 2012 in beautiful Brevard, NC the Land of the Waterfalls, 20+ hours of soul-healing group sessions, plus the restorational value of hiking, beauty, the forests, and waterfalls. Application downloads are on the magazine website.
If you feel the recovery approaches you have been utilizing are not effective, do consider the retreats which have been used by dozens and dozens of women to bring rapid results to their cognitive dissonance, anxiety, and stress disordered symptoms. I hope you will join us for the soul restoration you are craving.
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Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
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Monday, May 28, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Let Go or Be Dragged
'Let Go or Be Dragged' – I don't know who wrote that slogan, but I loved it so much I bought it on a magnet. My first thought was, 'Oh, I LOVE that saying for the women!' But in a flash, I realized it's a slogan for everyone. A friend of mine in recovery said she loved it for her 'A.A.' recovery slogan. Another person told me she loved it as a spiritual theme – to hold with an open hand – OR – face the consequences. But, I do love it for all of you, here's why….
Pathological attachments are gorilla glue. The pathological partners have a vibe, a come-hither, bonding vortex that sucks you in and holds you there in a hypnotic-like trance. It's a powerful, seductive, subconscious attachment that mirrors the worst addictive feeling you could ever have. It vibrates throughout your body with a message and sensation that you will literally 'die' if you are disconnected from the source. Letting go never feels like an 'option,' it feels like sure death, death by disconnection, death by umbilical severing, death by life-force loss.
Its trance-like hold of your mind, body, and spirit leaves you stupor-fied with an inability to enact your own will or your ability to choose sane-fully the option of getting away from this catatonia. The same trance-hold that held you in rapture, reverie, and ecstasy, now holds you in a cataleptic coma. Alive, with your eyes open, but your mind dead and unable to move – you look mildly functional to the world. They don't see the transfixion that is keeping you paralyzed beneath your eyes.
You hold on because you are glued. You hold on because there was rapture, reverie, and ecstasy. You hold on because to not hold on, is to release your grip on the emotional life support system you think he has been. You hold on because you believe if you hold on long enough, the dazed and glazed existence you have been living will reverse to rapture. The nightmare will then become the dream. The stupor will become the high of the intensity. You hold on because you believe you can't let go.
WAIT! HOLD UP! Let's ask, 'Where are you?' How did your clothes get torn? Where is the life you use to have? Where are the relationships with others you held dear? Why are your knees skinned? Why do you have those dark circles under your eyes? Why are you on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication? Where is the career you built? Why are your nails dug into your hands? Why is your stomach in your throat? Why are you now somewhere you never wanted to go? How did you get here? Why are you bleeding from your soul? It's because your belief about letting go kept you being dragged.
Drag: verb. Related to: haul, lug, move, pull, schlep, tug, yank, crawl, creep, shuffle. Your soul is bleeding – it's your courtesy warning system from your spirit that is telling you to let go. Even being dragged can be a gift. It can be the first scraped knee that crosses you over to recovery. You've held on for lots of reasons including your own version of 'pathological hope' that he will change, and it will be different. History has taught you otherwise. It's time to accept the wisdom that 'no change' brings us. Your skinned knee is a metaphor for the beginning of your recovery because the word dragged means 'to haul something to a new place.'
Let go or be dragged.
If you are ready to let go, we have scheduled one more retreat for September 2-7 2012 in the Asheville/Brevard area. Information about it is in the newsletter and magazine.
Pathological attachments are gorilla glue. The pathological partners have a vibe, a come-hither, bonding vortex that sucks you in and holds you there in a hypnotic-like trance. It's a powerful, seductive, subconscious attachment that mirrors the worst addictive feeling you could ever have. It vibrates throughout your body with a message and sensation that you will literally 'die' if you are disconnected from the source. Letting go never feels like an 'option,' it feels like sure death, death by disconnection, death by umbilical severing, death by life-force loss.
Its trance-like hold of your mind, body, and spirit leaves you stupor-fied with an inability to enact your own will or your ability to choose sane-fully the option of getting away from this catatonia. The same trance-hold that held you in rapture, reverie, and ecstasy, now holds you in a cataleptic coma. Alive, with your eyes open, but your mind dead and unable to move – you look mildly functional to the world. They don't see the transfixion that is keeping you paralyzed beneath your eyes.
You hold on because you are glued. You hold on because there was rapture, reverie, and ecstasy. You hold on because to not hold on, is to release your grip on the emotional life support system you think he has been. You hold on because you believe if you hold on long enough, the dazed and glazed existence you have been living will reverse to rapture. The nightmare will then become the dream. The stupor will become the high of the intensity. You hold on because you believe you can't let go.
WAIT! HOLD UP! Let's ask, 'Where are you?' How did your clothes get torn? Where is the life you use to have? Where are the relationships with others you held dear? Why are your knees skinned? Why do you have those dark circles under your eyes? Why are you on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication? Where is the career you built? Why are your nails dug into your hands? Why is your stomach in your throat? Why are you now somewhere you never wanted to go? How did you get here? Why are you bleeding from your soul? It's because your belief about letting go kept you being dragged.
Drag: verb. Related to: haul, lug, move, pull, schlep, tug, yank, crawl, creep, shuffle. Your soul is bleeding – it's your courtesy warning system from your spirit that is telling you to let go. Even being dragged can be a gift. It can be the first scraped knee that crosses you over to recovery. You've held on for lots of reasons including your own version of 'pathological hope' that he will change, and it will be different. History has taught you otherwise. It's time to accept the wisdom that 'no change' brings us. Your skinned knee is a metaphor for the beginning of your recovery because the word dragged means 'to haul something to a new place.'
Let go or be dragged.
If you are ready to let go, we have scheduled one more retreat for September 2-7 2012 in the Asheville/Brevard area. Information about it is in the newsletter and magazine.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
My Anniversary of the Plunge into Pathology
The month of May marks my fairly 'official' date (at least in my mind) in which I was thrust into the field of pathology – totally without consent, without warning, and without return to the normal life I knew before May 13, 1983. Twenty-nine years ago, my father bled out in a grungy gutter in Cincinnati after a psychopath plunged a knife into his aorta outside of his jazz club. I was initiated into a victim-hood that would turn my life and career in a direction I hadn't much interest in before that particular day.
Much like pathology in anyone else's life, you don't get to pick how it plays out in your life. The best you can do is to learn how to ride the rollercoaster that goes along with the serious group of disorders in pathology – as I have done. Twenty-nine years later I still feel like I am just skimming the surface of what can, and should be done in education, awareness, survivor services, and advocacy in dealing with pathology. Thousands of pages of writing books, newsletters, websites, workbooks, e-books, quizzes, hours and hours of lectures ad nauseam, over a thousand hours in broadcasts, both radio and television, stacks of CDs and DVDs created – and still we are in the infancy of a new understanding about pathology. It is the virtual edge of just beginning what someday will be a momentum marker that shows 'when' the world turned a corner for a better and very public understanding of pathology.
We're not there yet, but the day IS coming. Every new blog that goes up, every newsletter, every website, every talk, every social networking post, every private moment of your knowledge shared with another victim, every coaching session, every class taught, every therapy hour, every group gathering, every prayer muttered, every radio show aired, every celebrity living it and bringing it to notice, every TV show featuring it, every newspaper or women's magazine article taunting it – is another message to another ear that has heard the message. You learned it because someone cared enough to make sure you learned it.
Every May 13th, for the past 29 years, I have halted my existence to remember that life-altering second when my life went from being a normal everyday life – to a life of being a homicide survivor. This is when my reality was ripped through by pathology – a disorder so conscienceless that altering history is just another day in the lives of the pathological. While my pathology story includes a brutal ending, yours no less, includes something similar – all the things lost in a moment of deep betrayal – the kind of betrayal that only pathology can bring.
If I don't brighten up this newsletter, I'll get complaints about 'too much reality' or 'too much negativity' so, I will say this – while none of us 'choose' to become survivors at the hands of very disordered pathological individuals, what we 'do' with what we were dealt is up to us. Every so often I like to send a message to you that encourages you to 'pass it forward.' Whatever you have learned from the magazine, the newsletters, or the books, is probably more than the woman who is sitting next to you knows. You don't need to wait until you 'understand' it more by taking a class, getting a degree, reading another one of our books, or taking our coach training – that doesn't help the women you sit next to at work. The knowledge in your head is life- saving to her. Next year 'when you are better trained' isn't the year to share what you know – today is!
If we want to move from living on the virtual edge of changing pathology education in the world, we have to open our mouths and tell what we know. Every pathological hopes you DON'T do this – they hope you keep what you know to yourself. So many women that have shed so many tears had said, "If I had only known… I would have left earlier, I wouldn't have left my children with him, I wouldn't have _______."
Every May is a time I renew my commitment to what changed me. Every May I bother people with my message and prod them and push them to make victim's rights and survivor education important in the world. If I don't, the image of my dad laying in that gutter haunts me. His death should never have been for nothing – and as long as people have been helped, it hasn't. Frankie Brown has touched so many lives with his death through the message of psychopathy. You're one of them! Help me celebrate my father's death anniversary in a way that brings meaning and hope to many. Tomorrow, share what you know with just ONE person – someone that you have felt in your gut needs to know about the permanence and the pain of pathological relationships. Then email me and say 'I passed it forward' so I can count up how many people celebrated Frankie! If this email offended you, I'm sorry. Pathology offended my entire life.
Thank you for growing in the knowledge of pathology so you are prepared for the day when you can give someone the life-changing information that you've come to know!
Much like pathology in anyone else's life, you don't get to pick how it plays out in your life. The best you can do is to learn how to ride the rollercoaster that goes along with the serious group of disorders in pathology – as I have done. Twenty-nine years later I still feel like I am just skimming the surface of what can, and should be done in education, awareness, survivor services, and advocacy in dealing with pathology. Thousands of pages of writing books, newsletters, websites, workbooks, e-books, quizzes, hours and hours of lectures ad nauseam, over a thousand hours in broadcasts, both radio and television, stacks of CDs and DVDs created – and still we are in the infancy of a new understanding about pathology. It is the virtual edge of just beginning what someday will be a momentum marker that shows 'when' the world turned a corner for a better and very public understanding of pathology.
We're not there yet, but the day IS coming. Every new blog that goes up, every newsletter, every website, every talk, every social networking post, every private moment of your knowledge shared with another victim, every coaching session, every class taught, every therapy hour, every group gathering, every prayer muttered, every radio show aired, every celebrity living it and bringing it to notice, every TV show featuring it, every newspaper or women's magazine article taunting it – is another message to another ear that has heard the message. You learned it because someone cared enough to make sure you learned it.
Every May 13th, for the past 29 years, I have halted my existence to remember that life-altering second when my life went from being a normal everyday life – to a life of being a homicide survivor. This is when my reality was ripped through by pathology – a disorder so conscienceless that altering history is just another day in the lives of the pathological. While my pathology story includes a brutal ending, yours no less, includes something similar – all the things lost in a moment of deep betrayal – the kind of betrayal that only pathology can bring.
If I don't brighten up this newsletter, I'll get complaints about 'too much reality' or 'too much negativity' so, I will say this – while none of us 'choose' to become survivors at the hands of very disordered pathological individuals, what we 'do' with what we were dealt is up to us. Every so often I like to send a message to you that encourages you to 'pass it forward.' Whatever you have learned from the magazine, the newsletters, or the books, is probably more than the woman who is sitting next to you knows. You don't need to wait until you 'understand' it more by taking a class, getting a degree, reading another one of our books, or taking our coach training – that doesn't help the women you sit next to at work. The knowledge in your head is life- saving to her. Next year 'when you are better trained' isn't the year to share what you know – today is!
If we want to move from living on the virtual edge of changing pathology education in the world, we have to open our mouths and tell what we know. Every pathological hopes you DON'T do this – they hope you keep what you know to yourself. So many women that have shed so many tears had said, "If I had only known… I would have left earlier, I wouldn't have left my children with him, I wouldn't have _______."
Every May is a time I renew my commitment to what changed me. Every May I bother people with my message and prod them and push them to make victim's rights and survivor education important in the world. If I don't, the image of my dad laying in that gutter haunts me. His death should never have been for nothing – and as long as people have been helped, it hasn't. Frankie Brown has touched so many lives with his death through the message of psychopathy. You're one of them! Help me celebrate my father's death anniversary in a way that brings meaning and hope to many. Tomorrow, share what you know with just ONE person – someone that you have felt in your gut needs to know about the permanence and the pain of pathological relationships. Then email me and say 'I passed it forward' so I can count up how many people celebrated Frankie! If this email offended you, I'm sorry. Pathology offended my entire life.
Thank you for growing in the knowledge of pathology so you are prepared for the day when you can give someone the life-changing information that you've come to know!
My sister Linda, my
father Frankie Brown, myself a few years before his murder
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Is This The New Normal?
The 'new' normal (whatever that is) is code jargon for 'something in your life that changed and for which you just have to suck it up and get use to'. This clicky kind of phrase has crept in the world of pathology too, and even the recovery movement. So let's answer some of those questions about 'the NEW normal.'
'Is How Crappy I Feel My New Normal?'
In other words, 'will I ever feel like my old self again?'
Let's say your girlfriend was driving home late one night, off in thought, and after a glass or two of wine. She was blasting her favorite Adelle song on her ear buds. This condition left her not in her most focused self--tired, distracted, a little buzzed, and drifting off to the groove of a good song when she didn't even realize the slight bump her car made as she drove over the railroad tracks. Since she had no reason to believe something that could really hurt her was barreling down the tracks towards her, she didn't even glance to see the oncoming train. Once she realized, too late, she was going to be harmed--wide eyed and gasping--she wondered what she could do to save herself. The answer by then, was 'too late.' In a nano-second she went from being her old self to being someone entirely new--she became a seriously injured person.
You too were run over by an oncoming train with a big 'P' on the front. You too might have been tired, distracted, or out having a good time when you encountered the train that was going to run over you, destroy the framework of your life, and nearly fatally wound your soul.
The oncoming psychopath does not brake for anything on the tracks of his life. Your mangled psyche, broken heart, and your sideswiped joy are the natural conditions of having been run over by a run away psychopath or narcissist.
As your girlfriend lay home recovering from having been in a 'train wreck' -- her broken bones held together with casts, her head bandaged from a whiplash concussion, and being relegated to resting for the next unforseeable future, she does not yet realize she is lucky to escape with the gift to heal. Her family and friends recognizing her extensive injuries are not likely to say to her "Very shortly, this will be like it never happened. You'll be back to your old self in no time at all.' It's easy to see the girl was seriously injured and it was a gift from God she's alive.
While psychological injuries are not as evident to the bystanding eye, they are noteably experienced by the victim. You were hit by a train! You were injured--emotionally, psychologically, mentally, spiritually, financially and maybe even physically. If someone has erroneously said to you "Very shortly, this will be like it never happened. You'll be back to your old self in no time at all' -- they have never been hit by an oncoming pathology train. In fact, the worse thing that probably ever happened to them is they won a Spa Day at a less than luxorious hotel or their highlights in their hair weren't quite right. Are you going to measure your recovery from someone who's only experience of tragedy is a spa-day-gone-wrong?
Other survivors who have been hit by the same-train-different-tracks will tell you that "No, it will not be like it never happened. No, you will not be back to your old self in no time at all." I don't know if you want the truth or you want that girl's story whose name is Pollyanna. It is not that you will never heal. It's that your injuries were serious. You are in the critical care unit of the recovery center. You WILL heal. But it will not be in 'no time at all.' If your girlfriend didn't rise up off the bed in a few days like Lazarus being raised from the dead, you too should not expect that type of 'miraclous' healing. Train wrecks mangle bodies, minds, and spirits. Give yourself the gift of recognition that what you have been through is traumatic and life changing. And that you need the time anyone would need that has been run over by a train in which to heal.
The impatient family member who thinks you should be 'over it' by now, was not run over by the train. The girlfriends that want you to go on a cruise and meet someone new were not run over by the train. The psychopath train that hit you that thinks you should be through the body-repair shop of what he did to you--was not run over by a train his size.
The problem that exists is your level of expectation is not equal to your level of harm.
You are expecting to walk away limping but not seriously injured from a psychopath. That doesn't happen often. So infrequently that I don't even know if I can give one example of that happening with the women I have worked with for 20+ years.
Learning to live with the 'new normal' of aftermath symptoms is really a self nurturing act. It means you have taken the time to really access your damage and give yourself the things you need in order to heal. Time, space, therapy--whatever it takes. The 'new normal' following pathological love relationships is called 'aftermath damage.' There is a cure for it. But the first step in curing it is to say it outloud "I was run over by an oncoming train. I was critically wounded." Now, healing can begin.
'Is How Crappy I Feel My New Normal?'
In other words, 'will I ever feel like my old self again?'
Let's say your girlfriend was driving home late one night, off in thought, and after a glass or two of wine. She was blasting her favorite Adelle song on her ear buds. This condition left her not in her most focused self--tired, distracted, a little buzzed, and drifting off to the groove of a good song when she didn't even realize the slight bump her car made as she drove over the railroad tracks. Since she had no reason to believe something that could really hurt her was barreling down the tracks towards her, she didn't even glance to see the oncoming train. Once she realized, too late, she was going to be harmed--wide eyed and gasping--she wondered what she could do to save herself. The answer by then, was 'too late.' In a nano-second she went from being her old self to being someone entirely new--she became a seriously injured person.
You too were run over by an oncoming train with a big 'P' on the front. You too might have been tired, distracted, or out having a good time when you encountered the train that was going to run over you, destroy the framework of your life, and nearly fatally wound your soul.
The oncoming psychopath does not brake for anything on the tracks of his life. Your mangled psyche, broken heart, and your sideswiped joy are the natural conditions of having been run over by a run away psychopath or narcissist.
As your girlfriend lay home recovering from having been in a 'train wreck' -- her broken bones held together with casts, her head bandaged from a whiplash concussion, and being relegated to resting for the next unforseeable future, she does not yet realize she is lucky to escape with the gift to heal. Her family and friends recognizing her extensive injuries are not likely to say to her "Very shortly, this will be like it never happened. You'll be back to your old self in no time at all.' It's easy to see the girl was seriously injured and it was a gift from God she's alive.
While psychological injuries are not as evident to the bystanding eye, they are noteably experienced by the victim. You were hit by a train! You were injured--emotionally, psychologically, mentally, spiritually, financially and maybe even physically. If someone has erroneously said to you "Very shortly, this will be like it never happened. You'll be back to your old self in no time at all' -- they have never been hit by an oncoming pathology train. In fact, the worse thing that probably ever happened to them is they won a Spa Day at a less than luxorious hotel or their highlights in their hair weren't quite right. Are you going to measure your recovery from someone who's only experience of tragedy is a spa-day-gone-wrong?
Other survivors who have been hit by the same-train-different-tracks will tell you that "No, it will not be like it never happened. No, you will not be back to your old self in no time at all." I don't know if you want the truth or you want that girl's story whose name is Pollyanna. It is not that you will never heal. It's that your injuries were serious. You are in the critical care unit of the recovery center. You WILL heal. But it will not be in 'no time at all.' If your girlfriend didn't rise up off the bed in a few days like Lazarus being raised from the dead, you too should not expect that type of 'miraclous' healing. Train wrecks mangle bodies, minds, and spirits. Give yourself the gift of recognition that what you have been through is traumatic and life changing. And that you need the time anyone would need that has been run over by a train in which to heal.
The impatient family member who thinks you should be 'over it' by now, was not run over by the train. The girlfriends that want you to go on a cruise and meet someone new were not run over by the train. The psychopath train that hit you that thinks you should be through the body-repair shop of what he did to you--was not run over by a train his size.
The problem that exists is your level of expectation is not equal to your level of harm.
You are expecting to walk away limping but not seriously injured from a psychopath. That doesn't happen often. So infrequently that I don't even know if I can give one example of that happening with the women I have worked with for 20+ years.
Learning to live with the 'new normal' of aftermath symptoms is really a self nurturing act. It means you have taken the time to really access your damage and give yourself the things you need in order to heal. Time, space, therapy--whatever it takes. The 'new normal' following pathological love relationships is called 'aftermath damage.' There is a cure for it. But the first step in curing it is to say it outloud "I was run over by an oncoming train. I was critically wounded." Now, healing can begin.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
How Pathological is 'Too' Pathological?
Another words, 'How sick is TOO sick?'
One of the charactersistics of women who have been in pathological relationships is that they are very 'forgiving' and 'tolerant' of less than stellar mental health qualities in their intimate relationships. That's because the women have very elevated traits of compassion, empathy, tolerance, and acceptance according to our research and to name but a few. These are excellent and humanitarian traits to have....except in a relationship with a pathological person in which these traits create 'super glue' that keeps you in a relationship you should NOT be toleranting, accepting, or being empathetic about. The problem is women often don't realize that someone can simply have 'narcissistic traits' or 'psychopathic traits' and still be a danger to her in a relationship.
That's because it doesn't take much pathology to dramatically and negatively effect her and the relationship. It only takes a 'drop' of abnormal psychology to really screw up the relationship and the others around him. This is why even 'just traits' are important to identify. 'Just traits' means he has SOME of the criteria for, lets say narcissism or psychopathy, but not enough to fully qualify for the full diagnosis. But let's not split hairs here...a few traits are enough to qualify for 'too' pathological. It DOES matter that he is a 'tad bit' pathological because any of the traits of pathology are negative and harmful.
Would it matter that he had a little or a lot of 'low empathy?' No--the end result is the same--low empathy and the pain he causes others. 'Liitle-to-None' is almost none--it doesn't matter if he is a little unempathetic or a lot. Not being able to have empathy is the bottom line.
Would it matter if he had a little or a lot of poor impulse control? I doubt it if his poor impulse control effected his sexual acting out, his drug use, or his wild spending habits.
A little goes a long way in poor impulse control.
Would it matter if he had a little or a lot of rebellion against laws, rules, or authority? Probably not...even just a little bit of rebellion has the propensity of getting him arrested or fired, ignoring a restraining order or refusing to pay child support. How about 'just pathological enough' to really screw up your children with his distorted and warped world view, his chronic inconsistency, his wavering devotion to you or them, his role modeling of his addictions, or his display of 'the rules aren't for me' attitude?
I watch women 'look' for loopholes to minimize the pathology he DOES have instead of looking for ways he does meet criteria for the pathology he does have and find reasons to get out. Instead, they find reasons 'it's not THAT bad.' But just a little bit of a 'bad boy' is probably too pathological...too sick for a normal relationship. Since pathology is the 'inability to sustain positive change, grow to any meaningful depth, or develop insight about how one's behavior effects others' even just 'some' pathology is too much. Because if he can't sustain change (you know...all those things he promises to change about himself) or grow or have insight about how and why he hurts you...he's TOO pathological--TOO sick--TOO disordered to have anything that resembles a normal relationship. Why would you 'want' a relationship that has NO capacity to grow, change, or meet your needs?
Bad boy enticement is very real...that edginess he has makes many women highly attracted to him. But beyond the edginess can be anything from 'just traits' to 'full blown pathology.' Nonetheless, women must learn to draw a line in the sand that even 'just' traits is enough to guarantee their unhappiness and harm in the hands of a guy who is 'too pathological' for her!
(**Information about pathology and your recovery is in the award winning Women Who Love Psychopaths.)
One of the charactersistics of women who have been in pathological relationships is that they are very 'forgiving' and 'tolerant' of less than stellar mental health qualities in their intimate relationships. That's because the women have very elevated traits of compassion, empathy, tolerance, and acceptance according to our research and to name but a few. These are excellent and humanitarian traits to have....except in a relationship with a pathological person in which these traits create 'super glue' that keeps you in a relationship you should NOT be toleranting, accepting, or being empathetic about. The problem is women often don't realize that someone can simply have 'narcissistic traits' or 'psychopathic traits' and still be a danger to her in a relationship.
That's because it doesn't take much pathology to dramatically and negatively effect her and the relationship. It only takes a 'drop' of abnormal psychology to really screw up the relationship and the others around him. This is why even 'just traits' are important to identify. 'Just traits' means he has SOME of the criteria for, lets say narcissism or psychopathy, but not enough to fully qualify for the full diagnosis. But let's not split hairs here...a few traits are enough to qualify for 'too' pathological. It DOES matter that he is a 'tad bit' pathological because any of the traits of pathology are negative and harmful.
Would it matter that he had a little or a lot of 'low empathy?' No--the end result is the same--low empathy and the pain he causes others. 'Liitle-to-None' is almost none--it doesn't matter if he is a little unempathetic or a lot. Not being able to have empathy is the bottom line.
Would it matter if he had a little or a lot of poor impulse control? I doubt it if his poor impulse control effected his sexual acting out, his drug use, or his wild spending habits.
A little goes a long way in poor impulse control.
Would it matter if he had a little or a lot of rebellion against laws, rules, or authority? Probably not...even just a little bit of rebellion has the propensity of getting him arrested or fired, ignoring a restraining order or refusing to pay child support. How about 'just pathological enough' to really screw up your children with his distorted and warped world view, his chronic inconsistency, his wavering devotion to you or them, his role modeling of his addictions, or his display of 'the rules aren't for me' attitude?
I watch women 'look' for loopholes to minimize the pathology he DOES have instead of looking for ways he does meet criteria for the pathology he does have and find reasons to get out. Instead, they find reasons 'it's not THAT bad.' But just a little bit of a 'bad boy' is probably too pathological...too sick for a normal relationship. Since pathology is the 'inability to sustain positive change, grow to any meaningful depth, or develop insight about how one's behavior effects others' even just 'some' pathology is too much. Because if he can't sustain change (you know...all those things he promises to change about himself) or grow or have insight about how and why he hurts you...he's TOO pathological--TOO sick--TOO disordered to have anything that resembles a normal relationship. Why would you 'want' a relationship that has NO capacity to grow, change, or meet your needs?
Bad boy enticement is very real...that edginess he has makes many women highly attracted to him. But beyond the edginess can be anything from 'just traits' to 'full blown pathology.' Nonetheless, women must learn to draw a line in the sand that even 'just' traits is enough to guarantee their unhappiness and harm in the hands of a guy who is 'too pathological' for her!
(**Information about pathology and your recovery is in the award winning Women Who Love Psychopaths.)
Saturday, April 28, 2012
When Others Don't Like The 'P' Word
I was recently asked to be on a national TV show to discuss the issue of psychopathy in relationships based on my book 'Women Who Love Psychopaths.' They had looked at the website, read information about the book, discussed what the rest of the show was going to be about, and booked me for the show. They didn't invite me based on my other book (although equally as informational) How to Spot a Dangerous Man, they booked me to discuss and showed
the book cover of, Women Who Love Psychopaths.
However, 20 minutes before going on air a producer told me 'they' (whoever that is in TV world) was uncomfortable using the 'p' word--psychopath. They found the word to be 'controversial' and 'sensationalistic' and that my example of probably well known public psychopaths who are not recognized as psychopathic was too debatable and unproveable to discuss.
This was of course sad for me to hear since so much of what The Institute attempts to provide is public pathology education. Truly the only way for people to avoid psychopathy is to develop the ability to understand the traits and learn to spot it in others. All which is why our goal for this agency is public education. This is of course, not our first time to hear that the 'p' word is offensive, debatable, controversial, or judgmental, and it will not be the last time, unfortunately.
Several victims of incredible psychopathic abuse were also on the show and I was asked to comment on their cases but also asked to not use the 'p' word. I asked the producer what she thought those perpetrator's behaviors should be called, or what disorders would motivate their behavior....or what was she suggesting I 'should' call them? I told her I was at a loss to pick another label or motivation behind their lethal behaviors that would come close to helping others understand 'who does that?'. I told her that psychopathy was a diagnosis, not merely a political argument, a theoretical ideology, or even a criminal judgment of character. I was confused as to why I was there when what I do, what I write about, who I help, and who I help convict are overtly obvious from my professional background and from our website.
I was reminded again when I heard 'the p word' is controversial, that public pathology education is still in it's infancy. I know that victims face this all the time when they struggle to figure out what is wrong with the pathological person, only to discover the shocking revelation of the person's disorder. But the victim trying to teach others what is wrong with the pathological is counteracted when others find the information to be disputable, distasteful, unproveable, unlikely, and un-spiritual to even suggest.
The 'p' word is now viewed as the new psychlogical slur of the 21st century. It's correlated with the devastating racial slurs of the 1950's, the cultural slurs of the 60's-70's, and the gay/lesbian slurs of the 80's-90's. Now, we face the 'p' word the way we faced the 'n' of the 50's and the 'f' or the 60'70's and the 'q' of the 80-90s. But with a huge difference! There is nothing wrong with the 'p' word the way it was intensely wrong with the 'n,' 'f,' and 'q' words of decades gone by.
But it is treated as if we are being racially insensitive, culturally inappropriate, or gender ignorant. We are looked at as the skin-heads of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual that we would 'dare' to 'call someone' a psychopath. We are viewed as the rock throwers at the psychologically-disabled
people with pathology, the Bible thumpers of the poor spiritually disenfranchised psychopath, and the socially clueless that we would spew a power-packing psychological label like 'psychopathy' around that might actually strike and land on a human being.
I know, I know....afterall, it's daytime TV which we all recognize is about ratings and keeping pace with society's Attention-Deficit-Disordered need for topics to be covered in three minutes no matter how riveting the storyline is. Daytime TV covers tsunamis of natural science as well as the
tsunamis of psychological trauma in the same fast fall swoop of selling hair dye and lipstick in the same 30 minute segment. What did I expect afterall?
...Well, I always hope that a victim's trauma is recognized and embraced for the emotional and spiritual strength it took to not only survive, but to show up on that TV stage to tell their story to help others. ...Well, I always hope that the need to teach others 'how to spot' the devastating disorders that created the victims trauma is the guiding motivation behind why TV shows exist and supercedes the mere 'storyline-as-business' of TV.
Yes, I recognize that daytime TV is not the spokes person for the planet--that there ARE those who really want to hear more of the victims story and learn more about 'how to spot' them in their own lives....but I have to tell you, it IS a 'cold-water-splash-in-the-face', like a 'wake-up-Sandra-we-aren't-as-far-as-you-think' call that we are whispering the 'p' word behind stage and off camera and are 'editing it out' for public viewing. The whole segment of discussion about low empathy, no conscience and who does that was removed. Not one word that explained the behavior of those lethal people was 'leaked' to the viewing audience for public pathology education. We still have miles and miles to go in educating the public that psychopathy is a disorder not a verbal tyriad.
You know what....as offensive, debatable, controversial, judgmental, OR .... as disputable, distasteful, unproveable, unlikely and un-spiritual as it felt to those merely producing a nano-second based TV show to say the 'p' word, the victims who have lived with the 'p' are the true authorities here. They would probably beg to disagree with the nay-sayers that the 'p' is a profound psychological slur. I am sure the victims found the 'p's behavior to be more offensive than TV-land will ever understand. The victims surely wrestled with their own need to over come the 'debatable-ness' of the disorder, or the controversy that swirled around the lethal behaviors of the psychopath and I am sure the victim's incured their own judgmental views of outsiders. I doubt today the victim's find their story to be un proveable or even disputable ---after all, some of these storys ended up in murder or attempted more. All adjectives that are associated with psychopathy.
As 'controversial' as TV-land felt the 'p' word was, does not even compare to the victim's overwhelming need to shout from the roof-tops what the pathological IS....a psychopath.
Using the 'p' word of psychopathy is not a slur. It is a education, a prevention, a DIAGNOSIS, and the reality for millions of victims in the world.
the book cover of, Women Who Love Psychopaths.
However, 20 minutes before going on air a producer told me 'they' (whoever that is in TV world) was uncomfortable using the 'p' word--psychopath. They found the word to be 'controversial' and 'sensationalistic' and that my example of probably well known public psychopaths who are not recognized as psychopathic was too debatable and unproveable to discuss.
This was of course sad for me to hear since so much of what The Institute attempts to provide is public pathology education. Truly the only way for people to avoid psychopathy is to develop the ability to understand the traits and learn to spot it in others. All which is why our goal for this agency is public education. This is of course, not our first time to hear that the 'p' word is offensive, debatable, controversial, or judgmental, and it will not be the last time, unfortunately.
Several victims of incredible psychopathic abuse were also on the show and I was asked to comment on their cases but also asked to not use the 'p' word. I asked the producer what she thought those perpetrator's behaviors should be called, or what disorders would motivate their behavior....or what was she suggesting I 'should' call them? I told her I was at a loss to pick another label or motivation behind their lethal behaviors that would come close to helping others understand 'who does that?'. I told her that psychopathy was a diagnosis, not merely a political argument, a theoretical ideology, or even a criminal judgment of character. I was confused as to why I was there when what I do, what I write about, who I help, and who I help convict are overtly obvious from my professional background and from our website.
I was reminded again when I heard 'the p word' is controversial, that public pathology education is still in it's infancy. I know that victims face this all the time when they struggle to figure out what is wrong with the pathological person, only to discover the shocking revelation of the person's disorder. But the victim trying to teach others what is wrong with the pathological is counteracted when others find the information to be disputable, distasteful, unproveable, unlikely, and un-spiritual to even suggest.
The 'p' word is now viewed as the new psychlogical slur of the 21st century. It's correlated with the devastating racial slurs of the 1950's, the cultural slurs of the 60's-70's, and the gay/lesbian slurs of the 80's-90's. Now, we face the 'p' word the way we faced the 'n' of the 50's and the 'f' or the 60'70's and the 'q' of the 80-90s. But with a huge difference! There is nothing wrong with the 'p' word the way it was intensely wrong with the 'n,' 'f,' and 'q' words of decades gone by.
But it is treated as if we are being racially insensitive, culturally inappropriate, or gender ignorant. We are looked at as the skin-heads of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual that we would 'dare' to 'call someone' a psychopath. We are viewed as the rock throwers at the psychologically-disabled
people with pathology, the Bible thumpers of the poor spiritually disenfranchised psychopath, and the socially clueless that we would spew a power-packing psychological label like 'psychopathy' around that might actually strike and land on a human being.
I know, I know....afterall, it's daytime TV which we all recognize is about ratings and keeping pace with society's Attention-Deficit-Disordered need for topics to be covered in three minutes no matter how riveting the storyline is. Daytime TV covers tsunamis of natural science as well as the
tsunamis of psychological trauma in the same fast fall swoop of selling hair dye and lipstick in the same 30 minute segment. What did I expect afterall?
...Well, I always hope that a victim's trauma is recognized and embraced for the emotional and spiritual strength it took to not only survive, but to show up on that TV stage to tell their story to help others. ...Well, I always hope that the need to teach others 'how to spot' the devastating disorders that created the victims trauma is the guiding motivation behind why TV shows exist and supercedes the mere 'storyline-as-business' of TV.
Yes, I recognize that daytime TV is not the spokes person for the planet--that there ARE those who really want to hear more of the victims story and learn more about 'how to spot' them in their own lives....but I have to tell you, it IS a 'cold-water-splash-in-the-face', like a 'wake-up-Sandra-we-aren't-as-far-as-you-think' call that we are whispering the 'p' word behind stage and off camera and are 'editing it out' for public viewing. The whole segment of discussion about low empathy, no conscience and who does that was removed. Not one word that explained the behavior of those lethal people was 'leaked' to the viewing audience for public pathology education. We still have miles and miles to go in educating the public that psychopathy is a disorder not a verbal tyriad.
You know what....as offensive, debatable, controversial, judgmental, OR .... as disputable, distasteful, unproveable, unlikely and un-spiritual as it felt to those merely producing a nano-second based TV show to say the 'p' word, the victims who have lived with the 'p' are the true authorities here. They would probably beg to disagree with the nay-sayers that the 'p' is a profound psychological slur. I am sure the victims found the 'p's behavior to be more offensive than TV-land will ever understand. The victims surely wrestled with their own need to over come the 'debatable-ness' of the disorder, or the controversy that swirled around the lethal behaviors of the psychopath and I am sure the victim's incured their own judgmental views of outsiders. I doubt today the victim's find their story to be un proveable or even disputable ---after all, some of these storys ended up in murder or attempted more. All adjectives that are associated with psychopathy.
As 'controversial' as TV-land felt the 'p' word was, does not even compare to the victim's overwhelming need to shout from the roof-tops what the pathological IS....a psychopath.
Using the 'p' word of psychopathy is not a slur. It is a education, a prevention, a DIAGNOSIS, and the reality for millions of victims in the world.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Pathological Systems: A Look at Penn State
The nation was aghast at the Penn State sexual abuse/rape, and subsequent cover up of the repeated assaults of young boys that happened over a 15-year period. This case reminded us that even the most beloved places, those with the best of reputations, have pathology coursing in its veins and leadership.
Jerry Sandusky, the former coach was charged with sexual abuse of several boys. Tallying it all up currently includes
40 counts; 21 of them are felonies spanning 15 years of abuse having gained access to them through The Second Mile, a youth foundation he started ‘to help kids’. (I'm sure the sexually abused victims are saying ‘Gee thanks for that help.’)
Each of the 21 felonies carries 7-20 years, and $15-25k fine with 19 misdemeanors carrying 2-5 years and $5-10k fine. Needless to say, the court rightfully so, found the abuse allegations to be extensive. We can only guess how many rapes that accounts for over a 15 year span…and how many victims.
Mike McQueary, assistant football coach witnessed at least one of the rapes in 2002 during which he watched the act, did not stop it, and did not immediately report it to law enforcement including campus police.
He did however pass the buck for reporting the rape by telling head coach Joe Paterno who also did not report to police, including campus police. Yes, passing the buck. The minimum might be telling your boss, but we're talking about rape here. So yes, it wasn't enough, and it isn’t emotional rocket science for someone to figure out that telling their boss isn’t the only step that needs to be done in case someone else drops the ball. They work in football, right? They understand the concept of someone dropping the ball. Ask the child if it was enough.
A 23 page grand jury report said Paterno was told in 2002 about the sexual assault against an approximately aged 10 year old boy in the shower at the university.
McQueary also passed the buck to Tim Curley, the athletic director and Gary Schultz, the Senior Vice President (whose duties included the oversight of the university police) about the assault, none of whom made child protective reports and reports to law enforcement.
Paterno’s defense to what he did not report was that McQueary was ‘distraught, but didn’t tell me specific actions that occurred.’ There is no evidence that Paterno followed up to find what specific actions had occurred, or turned over the alleged ‘distraught’ concerns to child protective services or campus law enforcement.
While Pennsylvania’s mandated reporting laws are disgustingly inept, requiring some to simply report it to their boss, university staffs somewhere down the line are trained in reporting protocols for both the university, and the state, since they work with students. A naked adult with a naked child is a crime...not just legally, but morally and ethically. Pathology is the absence of moral reasoning.
Mike McQueary did not follow up checking with police, or campus police to make sure Paterno, Curley or Schultz actually filed a report. While it is appropriate that he told others, it is not enough.
While being labeled as a ‘whistle blower’ about the university might be uncomfortable and a motivation for not reporting directly to law enforcement, it is not nearly as uncomfortable as being raped and scarred for life. It’s not nearly as uncomfortable as a child who knows you saw what happened to them in a shower and did not help them…in that moment, or later.
Ramifications? Being labeled as a whistle blower, or being fired for covering it up—I mean ‘really?’ are we comparing those consequences with those of eight little boys whose lives were ruined from adults looking the other way. Is a job equal to a rape in terms of ramifications? It was hid to save their jobs?
Sandusky never confessed to what he had done, I guess to save him self from jail time. Considering he’s a pedophile, not many were expecting him to have insight about how his behaviors were destroying someone else.
McQueary, a flicker of conscience not in the middle of the rape, not even that evening as he went to bed-- but the next day – and a couple more notifications to others, but not pushing the envelope enough to ask his superiors if they did something about his suspicions.
Curly never reported suspicions of abuse.
Schultz, as a senior vice president and who oversaw campus police never reported suspicions of abuse.
Who does that? Who places employment before anal penetration? Who places their football ego in front of oral rape? Who shows up year after year for work walking pass the showers where innocence was lost? Who oversees campus police and doesn’t make a report of suspicions? What kind of pathology does that?
Instead, the moment of looking at not only individual pathology, but corporate pathology is being lost. Instead of looking at the kinds of symptoms pathology perpetrates in the individual and in systems, we were instead hyper-empathically focused on micro-issues such as, the ‘conflicted’ pedophile, the social psychology of why others look on and do nothing, the severe motivation of job loss at high levels, and how well loved a coach is as evidence of guilt or innocence.
We missed seeing that when pathologicals are at the head guiding the system, they are making deep psychological imprints of their own pathological worldviews projected like a cult-reality on the screen of other’s psyches. It's not just an individual that can be sick, its entire systems that are guided by pathological and psychopathic belief system is sick. (Anyone ever read Snakes in Suits by the world's leading expert in white-color psychopathic behavior, Dr. Robert Hare?)
It took a system, not just an individual to cover up 15 years of rape. It took the camaraderie of people who collectively had reduced empathy and conscience to hide the fact that little boys were penetrated, and kids were trafficked to psychopathic benefactors. Now there are allegations that the rape and assault of little boys were used as perks to pedophile benefactors. It’s called human trafficking.
This did not happen in a vacuum as most trafficking, extended abuse, and cover up normally doesn’t. It takes individual and corporate pathology to create an environment of longevity and invisibility to perpetrate 15 years of rape. It takes pathology on many levels, from being the pedophile to being a silent accessory of the crime, to allow over a decade of soul-destroying abuse in a psychopathic fraternity of football narcissism.
Systemic pathology has been seen through the years in the church, in the military, in the white house, in the FBI – in any large system. How did thousands come to believe that the holocaust was the right thing to do? It happened when one pathological in a system created a systemic belief and brought into that system, at high management levels, other persons whose own pathology shared the basic core belief systems. Those beliefs found their home and their spark with the pathological leader.
Think all of the players in this pedophilic drama are not likely pathological? Want to split hairs about which Cluster B diagnosis they are likely to fall into, and our inability to really diagnosis someone if they aren’t in front of us? I don’t. You can clearly see from this case what happens when someone does not have enough empathy, enough insight into how their behavior affects others, enough guilt, enough conscience, or enough remorse.
Whether the perps and accessories are clearly in the ranges of secure diagnosis really doesn’t matter, because even reduced amounts of these traits-of-humanity have caused pathological results in the lives of children. Here is an example when a Cluster B is really a 'Cluster F' for everyone in their paths.
Pathology In Systems
The Psychopathic Checklist helps us view elements of pathology that can perhaps help us to expand the view to see pathology active not just in a person, but in a system. I have check-marked those I think can apply to the pathological belief system of the department/portions of departments that were involved. Below is the Psychopathy Checklist- Revised created by Dr. Robert Hare.
Glibness/superficial charm (at least applicable to the charm and support and near-riots of the followers of Paterno).
*Grandiose sense of self-worth (entitled to not follow the mandated reporting laws of child abuse)
*Cunning/manipulative (the years this has continued is a tribute to cunning ability to hide it and/or manipulate others into not telling)
- Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric) (unable to determine)
*Callousness; lack of empathy
*Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
- Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom (unable to determine)
- Parasitic lifestyle (perhaps within a systems model type of approach)
*Poor behavioral control
*Lack of realistic long-term goals (lack of realistic long term outcomes of suppressing child abuse)
- Impulsivity
*Irresponsibility
- Juvenile delinquency
- Early behavior problems
- Revocation of conditional release
*Promiscuous sexual behavior
- Many short-term marital relationships
*Criminal versatility (lots of versatility displayed)
*Acquired behavioral sociopathy/sociological conditioning (Item 21: a newly identified trait i.e. a person relying on sociological strategies and tricks to deceive) (developed within the context of a pathological system and leader).
Out of 21 items, 13 items if applied to the pathological system, can be viewed checked off in the above list. That’s 65%.
Perpetration of Pathology By Non-Recognition
Are you hoping that the mental health system is going to jump in here and help with public pathology education? The perpetration of pathology invisibility is highly related to the lack of pathology education even within the mental health field. The inability to spot pathology in others, and certainly as we can see, the inability to spot it in systems, has kept the mental health field largely another system unable to identify it.
To the mental health field’s defense, Robert Hare (world’s psychopathy expert) calls these disorders the ‘disorders of social hiding.’ That is, they look normal in the context of their setting (especially when sprinkled in with more pathology that camouflages glaring overtness in any single one person). The more successful, wealthy, or well-liked one is, the less likely they are to be noticed as pathological. Mix it with the hyper-empathy and positive psychology approach of some clinicians and you have all the Kum-By-Yah’ness behind which pathology never gets pointed out and none of the forensic attunement that might help others learn from these examples of pathology.
My case in point, having started a discussion on several professional therapist forums, these are the responses that clue us in to whether the mental health field will lead us in the much needed public pathology education awareness field….
My posting was “Calling everyone who understand pathology: Do not let the Penn State teaching moment be lost in translation in words that do not teach pathology in action. This is not merely 'abuse' -- this is pathology in both those who did it and those who hide it. Who Does That? Help other see the Cluster B disorders in action. Use the real language!’
The responses were:
“I take exception to the use of Penn State being a teachable moment. It’s is my alma mater…1 football coach does not define the entire institution.”
“IMO the abuser is less guilty than those who covered up.”
“Perhaps we should discuss why people who knew did not act appropriately. What about these crimes (rapes) shut them down morally. Is something like this too overwhelming for the average person to deal with, thus they shut down?”
“As professionals we owe our clients to explore their case in all it's uniqueness and individuality….Why does this client have the craving for this abnormal sexual fondness of children?… we remain a blank screen on which the client can write the story of his life. As a professional I can see myself having empathy even with a pedophile… as for myself I am extremely disgusted with the persecutor and his helpers. “
“The DSM can diagnose and predict and structure, but can not understand an individual's core conflict. This work can only be done one session at a time with compassion and lots if patience with our support as a holding environment.”
“I agree that this is definitely a teachable moment for our students. If we talk about a possible diagnosis with the goal of building compassion, then I can get on board with that.”
In those statements is very little pathological identification (outside of pedophilia) especially in the accessories to the crime. While many of those accessories who turned a blind eye to the rapes are likely to be legally and criminally considered accessories to the crime, few of us are holding them to the same standard. We are interested in understanding them, not insulting an institution because someone attended there and seems to think this is a case about one coach and not all the other accessories—we are more interested in extending patience, support, compassion for the child rapist and accessories.
I don’t see much interest in the world at large for exposing pathology for what it is so others can identify it in the future. If we don’t learn from what we have experienced, how do we bring that experience to light? I see little help in understanding pathology in corporate constructs or bilateral distribution of the crime of not reporting. Instead, the public outcry as witnessed on campus is a snapshot of the social investment to a perception—that there was one pedophile and that’s the end of the story.
From whom shall we look to understand personal and corporate pathology? Where shall our public pathology education come from?
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